Number 30

Well, it's been awhile and it's about time I entered a little something here. I have been wrestling with labels recently...diet labels specifically. As I have been researching the ideal way in which humans should be eating for maximum health and preservation of the planet I have encountered more labels than I can keep track of. So far I haven't found a definitive prescription for the average human. The jury goes out and in and back out again. The science is all over the place depending on which claim it's used to support so I am still left confused about the whole thing. As much as I have been striving to slot myself into the vegan category I feel that to be a vegan is so all or nothing that you are bound to feel horrible if you "slip up" now and then. So just now as I was eating a grapefruit at the kitchen sink and pondering the vegan philosophy I came up with my own definition of how I want to feed my body. I call it the 4C approach. I think this works best for me so that I can lighten up a bit and not feel so tied tightly to one specific diet philosophy. The 4C's stand for eating with this mindset:
Compassionately-
which entails eating with love for the animals and avoiding animal products as much as you can; we don't live in a perfect world and there are times when the odd crouton will have dairy in it -what are you gonna do stress out over it??
Conservatively-
which entails not eating more than you need (under eating is better ) and not wasting food
Conscientiously-
which entails eating with a sense of what is right and wrong for us and the planet
Cleanly-
which entails eating food as close to natural, fresh,  unprocessed and free of toxins as possible

So that's it. My new personal philosophy on how I am going to eat every meal, every day. Stay tuned because as new information gets absorbed by my brain I could very well fine tune my 4C approach and perhaps rename it too. 4C is a terrible name but it helps me remember the goals. In fact, the more I think about it I think one of the C's is redundant so perhaps I will drop it to the 3C diet. 3C rolls off the tongue better too. Well, that's it for now. Peace.

Number 29

Ok here's the deal: I cheated last night. I had set a personal record of  15 days without so much as a drop of cream in my coffee but  I had been craving meat so badly for the last few days that finally I gave in. Once again the craving satisfaction came in the form of chinese food. Now, that I have eaten the meat laden food I find that it is no big deal. I had made a huge deal of it by feeling deprived. The urge had gotten so out of hand by my feeling of deprivation and perhaps by some biological process in my body that was craving an animal version of protein. I don't know. What I do know is that in order to keep this from happening again I am going to have to better stock my pantry. I am going to have to plan meals better to stave off cravings. I had not been planning at all and the pantry had gotten rather bare so it is no wonder that I was starving for something rich and savory. The sad part is I had promised myself that I would go six months exactly from May 1st to Nov 1st  as a strict vegan and celebrate National Vegan Day on the first of November. Well, I kind of blew  a perfect six month record but I am still going to pursue the goal. Maybe perfection is too much to ask for right yet. I am not going to beat myself up over it, what I will do is carry on and remember the real reason for the mission: the animals.

Number 28

I found this poem today and this expresses how I feel now and how I am feeling more and more each day.
We Hear Your Cries

by Brenda Shoss

We hear your cries
Inside lightless stockades where metal bars define your earth
Where your frantic eyes gaze over an amputated beak
Unable to dust bath or flutter one wing
An automated hum, the only sound in your artificial prison
We hear your cries
In the narrow crates that envelop you from endless pregnancy to nameless death
From your first and last walk down death's corridor
toward a blood splattered man who guides your quivering body
into the crushing blast of his stun gun
From the impersonal thrust of his knife through still-warm flesh
to the final moment when you are dismantled limb by limb
We hear your cries
As you rock in the corner of your concrete world
Waiting for them to blind, burn and inject poison into your exhausted body
We ache to shield you from the scalpels and skull probes you have yet to endure We hear your cries
When they blast 5,000 volts of electrified pain into your flesh
Every time they batter you with metal pipes, bullhooks, flank straps and spurs
to obliterate your memories of a mother's love and infinite green
We hear your cries
As you search for one familiar face in the desolate days before
a gas chamber claims your anonymous life
When you seek the comfort of one set of arms
Your last tail wagged
Your last purr heard in a gray room with no windows

WE HEAR YOUR CRIES AND WE ARE COMING.

#27

It's Monday night and I have been in one hell of a funk all day long. More like depression. I don't know why exactly well it could be alot of things  but I know one thing that is not helping and his name is Ed. He is watching hockey and every time a player doesn't play right he yells, and I mean yells at the t.v. and it is getting on my nerves. In fact HE is getting on my nerves big time. I am so way beyond sick and tired of his lazy ass lifestyle. I know, I know my life is what I make it....blah, blah, blah and "you picked him" blah, blah, blah. Today I wish I could be anywhere but here. A cabin in the woods or a shack on the beach or a hut in the desert or better yet a gorgeous hotel room in some place tropical. Just me and my dogs.  I feel the need to break out of this rut real freakin' soon or something is gonna give. He is talking non-stop to the t.v. to every thing that annoys him. He swears and insults the show's host and mostly in a really nasty way. Currently he is swearing at Shirley Maclaine. Give me a break! -he just dropped the c-bomb. I don't know if he is losing it and I really don't care at this point. With both of us having been out of work for so long I have gotten a real taste of what he prefers to do if given a chance. Guess what? it is three things:
watch tv, eat, sleep and then start all over again. I can't believe I got myself into this mess. By mess I mean living so long with a man-boy who won't even put the trash out on trash night. It has been said that you don't get what you want you get what you need. That may have been true at one time but my needs sure are changing and this lifestyle ain't gonna cut it. I am sorry I don't owe him or anyone else my one life on this earth. Even though he thinks I owe it to him and the reason he thinks I owe it to him is just because HE wants it that way. My feelings are just....well, not as important. I guess.
As for my vegan quest I fell off the wagon tonight (with cheese mostly) and I am just trying so hard to self medicate myself out of this really bad mood that I ate too much and I ate what I shouldn't have eaten.  The good thing is I am staying away from the farm animal flesh without much difficulty at all. That part was easy. Seafood, not so much but I will get there eventually... the point is to not give up and keep my eye on the prize. I have no cravings for eggs anymore which is really good because I have always had a major love affair with all things egg-y. I mean when this girl ate eggs she ate eggs! I would think nothing of scrambling 6 of them up just for me or boiling up 4 or 5 just for me.... or frying up 3 with the yolks all nice and runny and dipping my buttery toast in all that golden goodness. It helps that I don't bring them into the house anymore.  There may come a day when I have the right set up for a few chickens of my own and I will again enjoy eggs but my hens will never end up on a dinner plate once they stop laying. They will just be retired little old lady hens allowed to live out their years scratching around my garden to their heart's content. Then again to be truly vegan one doesn't even own hens much less eat their eggs.
 Food for thought.

#26

I am up at the crack of dawn...well it's a little after 5 am on a rainy, windy Sunday and dawn is not actually cracking since it is so cloudy. But I had to get up as my headache was just getting too hard to ignore. I woke up at about 4 and couldn't get back to sleep, tossing and turning with this migraine. I am obviously in need of some detoxing otherwise  I would not have developed this headache which I woke up with yesterday. Between the recent alcohol intake and the chinese food I overdid it. Time to cleanse. Time to cut the crap and get real.  I believe it takes a few days for the chemicals in chinese food to get fully eliminated from the body. Especially when someone such as myself has not even reached their detoxification goals yet. Today I will eat as clean as possible and drink copious amounts of water with fresh lemon. In fact I can't wait to make my next green smoothie but my bananas are just not ripe enough yet. I must get into the habit of scheduling my banana purchases better. One thing I can enjoy today is a big delicious salad with plenty of organic ice burg lettuce. YUM. :-) I will also try to make a raw dressing today. Gotta keep it high raw, high organic and ALL VEGAN. Yeah BABY! :-) The ibuprofen is starting to work it's magic and my headache is dulling down quite nicely. I don't like taking it but hey, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

#25

I am saddened deeply that I gave in.
 I gave in to the idea to try out a new Chinese restaurant. I ate my fill and some of it actually tasted delicious-at first. Now I wish I could regurgitate it or turn back the clock and be strong and say NO!
NO WAY! NOT ME!!! I don't eat that shit. It's shit afterall. Not too happy with myself but once again learned some more along this journey. What I was reminded of is the powerful food additives, chemicals and flavorings that hook you like a drug dealer giving you a free taste next thing you know you just want it. You know in your brain that you shouldn't but those few short moments of intense taste bud pleasure await and beckon with a force that is sometimes stronger than you. I am gradually gaining the strength I need to turn down those cravings with swift precision without letting the cravings overtake my real desires. My real honest to goodness, God knows it, heart of heart, soul of soul desire is to live today and everyday for the rest of my life as an ethical vegan. Please God give me strength to never give in again. I thank you.

#24

Today is Tuesday and I finally colored my hair after having put it off for the last week. I must say I really dislike the whole affair for many reasons. First off, the toxins in hair color are numerous. The one I used this time was from Loreal and I know for a fact that they have, and probably still do, test their products on animals. Right there I should boycott their products and I do except for the hair color. :-(
Also the toxins that get washed down the drain and end up in our waterways after I wash the chemical concoction out of my hair. I am on the brink of going au natural real soon... but if I am to land a job I can't be going in to the interview with alot of grays. So I just have to deal with it as they say.
As far as eating goes I still am not where I want to be (80/10/10) low fat raw vegan, but I am doing a pretty good job avoiding animal products, more than that I am educating myself as much as I can on living in a truly peaceful, non-violent way. I had to prepare supper for Edward tonight and I used some ground up organic turkey in his dinner-it won't be long before that's going to start being a problem. I mean the cooking of meat. I really don't want it in the house. Maybe I can wean him off the majority of meat meals. I will try that is for sure. :-)

I took a good long walk tonite even though I have "Harriet" and am finally able to really embrace exercising again. It feels so right, finally, to be able to work on me. I am keeping my eye on the prize.
Peace.

#23

Today is Friday and it has been a very good day so far physically and mentally. I have had plenty of energy and even took a really, really long walk (a 2 hour walk). The only animal products I had today were a tiny bit of milk in my coffee and some canned tuna on my supper salad that I am eating right now. The tuna tastes like one step above cat food. The texture of the tuna is completely pulverized bottom of the barrel flavorless garbage. The brand name is Chicken of the Sea solid white packed in water and I must say not only do I feel somewhat guilty but the guilt wasn't even worth it!
If I hadn't mixed it into my salad I wouldn't bother finishing it but I will have to discard the whole salad in order to get rid of the so called tuna. I did toss a few croutons on my salad and they probably have some dairy or egg derivative in them. I need to learn how to make vegan croutons and keep them on hand. The tomatoes in the salad were from Mexico so I washed them extremely thoroughly with warm soapy water. They were very good.
Tomorrow is  one of the 2 days that Haymarket is open and I am going to get up early and drive in to the city to load up on produce. I can get twice the produce for the same money as I would normally spend at area supermarkets. Last time I went I scored organic broccoli for a buck a bunch. VERY sweet deal. :-)
I have been eating plenty of fruit but definitely need to up the veggie intake to help displace some of the cooked food I have been leaning on.
On a different not I am looking forward to joining the workaday rat race again and especially the part about the paycheck. Work can either be fun or drudgery depending on your attitude. I'll take the fun attitude. :-)

#22

It is now April....and time is flying by as usual. I haven't stayed on track as much as I would have liked but I haven't completely failed either. I have been so consumed with worries about money and getting a job that I haven't felt like blogging. I think that is why I have let my emotions interfere with my food choices quite a bit lately. I know it is just my brain trying to make itself feel better. I am really not in much of a mood to write tonight because I am quite tired. Last night I had a wicked case of insomnia and all day today I have felt subdued and rather heavy in the mind. I am going to get horizontal in my bed and watch a little television in a few minutes but I figured I should at least put a small entry on my blog.
Good night. Thank you God for today even if I couldn't seem to get rolling. Tomorrow will be better. :-)

#21

I will keep this brief as I just woke up and I am extra tired. Why? because I (once again) was doing good with the raw foods-staying on the course  then last night I ate a frozen pizza and a twinkie. The pizza was spinach and cheese and it had soybean oil in it (another no-no because of the gmo issue). Well, I got a real nice case of bloat and gas pains that was really painful and ongoing. In addition my legs felt restless as the night wore on. So as I am getting clean my body is now not digging the SAD crap food. Earlier I had some french fries but those didn't bother me AND as I transition I will allow myself the odd fries to keep cravings at bay. BUT the big eye opener was how my body reacted to the bread, cheese, and whatever else (food additives) pizza. SO I am definitely learning very important lessons along this journey back to my authentic self. Also I needed more sleep because of the truck load of food that went in to my body after dark therefore my body had to spend precious energy on digestion during the night. I also had a "Eureka!" moment as I lay in bed last night: I realized that most if not all of these little bothersome symptoms that people get i.e. restless legs are caused by food additives. I will just betcha!!! :-)
 Lesson learned!

Number 20

Tonite I gave in to a massive unrelenting craving for MacDonald's Filet 'o Fish sandwiches, and fries and an apple pie.  As I was stuffing myself with the hot salty chemically laden addictive substances I analyzed the process of the craving and the succumbing to the craving. I realized that by feeling as if I "can't" have the garbage fake food I want it even more. I gave it way more importance than it deserved thus weakening my resolve to NOT put that shit into my body. Damn it!
I MUST REMEMBER I CAN EAT WHATEVER I WANT WHENEVER I WANT-
BUT DO I WANT IT?
OK it is not the end of the world. I will get back up and brush myself off and continue on my journey towards the best health and energy and fitness I can create. Key word: CREATE, I need to keep this concept in my mind at all times. I need to remember that it is up to me to create the lifestyle I want and dream of. Only I can sculpt an athlete from what I am now, Only I can bring myself back to my authentic self. Only I can give my body the materials it needs to rebuild itself.
So right now I will start with lots of water to start the flushing out process and get a good nights sleep. What's done is done.
The warm weather will be here real soon and will I be able to look good in shorts? I can look great if I start now and put this on project status with laser like focus and let nothing deter me! Let nothing stop me!
Every time I give in to a feast or even a snack of processed crap I delay my bliss and I delay my time to shine and be noticed for a change. I also add more toxic burden to my body which is trying very hard to heal.
C'mon now Elizabeth it is time to make up for lost time and step up the pace here as in "BOOT CAMP" style. Let's GO!!!!!

Number 19

OK I know I haven't been blogging daily like I said I would but the whole idea behind this online diary is for me to write when the feeling strikes me- it's just that I was hoping it would strike me daily. Oh well. :-)
I am so excited right now because I have been immersing myself in raw vegan blogs and YouTube channels listening and learning from other raw food vegans.  I have been soaking up as much inspiration as I possibly can. The more I learn, the more this new way of living feels so incredibly right. It is right and it is just everything coming full circle. We as humans started out eating from the Garden of Eden and somehow along the way we thought our ways were better instead of God's way and Nature's way. We thought that animals were ours to use and abuse, we thought better living could be had through chemistry and we thought that sickness and disease was just a part of life. We also use to think the world was flat. It is time to evolve people! I can't wait to be an inspiration to others. I just started this journey and can not impress anybody yet but I sure hope to by summer. If I can get my family members to change their ways perhaps we can create a ripple effect BUT I have to get further down the path before I can beckon others to follow.
I asked God for help and he is showing me the way. Thank you God. For everything! I haven't felt this alive and inspired in soooo long. I know there will be bumps along the way-so what! Life is a journey not a destination and I want to continue my journey looking and feeling my authentic best physically AND mentally.
Peace. :-)

18th Entry

Ok Today is Sunday. I woke up feeling extremely tired because I kind of over did it yesterday with foods I shouldn't be eating. I was doing real good too. Flying right along mentally and physically. In fact I have been so much more active lately due to my eating almost exclusively high raw vegan. Then last night my lower back started aching (from all the extra movement I guess) and so I decided to break into a bottle of wine I had been saving. I had one big glass and it was delicious and I felt it. Next thing you know I decide I might as well boil up the last of the organic eggs because I figured might as well "get rid of them" and then the plan is to not buy them ever again. So I boiled up those last 5 eggs and cooled them and then put them in our salads. They were delicious I might add. I've always loved eggs more than the average person. Well, seeing how I blew the vegan part of my diet AND I was still hungry after my less than filling salad I decided to make one of these lovely frozen pizzas from Dr. Oetker that has mozzarella and pesto on it. They are YUMMY-but the ingredients are not very good. I ate the whole pizza AND some pepsi AND a devil dog AND a klondike bar. ALL last night. Talk about falling off the wagon. So now today has been somewhat better so far. Still not what it should be though as I put a little butter on my broccoli and I had a devil dog.
The good news today is that I am down to 213 lbs. - it is effortless to lose weight when you eat right. High raw or all raw vegan that is. So we shall see how much resolve I can muster for the rest of today. I am stressed because of this whole needing of a job thing. I will write more later.

17th Entry

I had a good day. I am proud to say.. I really feel satisfied with my progress today. No animal products today except for the tiny amount of dairy that was in my leftover iced coffee. I mean like a teaspoon-if that. So, it has been a great day diet wise and I took an hour plus walk with and for my dogs. I ate mostly raw-80%  would be a fair estimate. So all in all I feel good all the way around. I had a good mental attitude and felt a nice consistent flow of energy all day. What I ate today was as follows:
-leftover iced coffee (organic with sugar and a tiny bit of cream) I added soy milk
-a smoothie made with organic banana, mango, kiwi and pineapple (2 good size glasses of it)
-a few steamed organic carrots but they were lousy so it ended up being about one carrot that I actually ate
-a half dozen unsalted saltines with almond butter
-a nice big salad of organic greens, cucumber, tomato, red onion, raw mushroom, carrots and one olive all with a light application of asian dressing
-shortly I will have an orange and that should just about do it for today.

I will ride the bike tomorrow for sure and perhaps take a walk in the rain. :-)

Thank-you God for a great day. I know with your guidance I will be a better human.

16th Entry

Well, I am finally getting my act together slowly but surely. Actually a little bit more slowly than I would like but at least I am making progress even if it is sometimes one step forward and two steps back. I slipped up today and ate chicken. I couldn't refuse it because my boyfriend tried to be nice and get me fish but they (Wendy's) messed up the order and gave him a chicken sandwich instead. I couldn't be that ungrateful for his thoughtfulness...so I ate it. I tried to be thankful for the chicken's sacrifice and move on as best I could.  But on the plus side I just got through watching a YouTube video of animal rights activist and vegan Gary Yourofsky's speech he made at Georgia Tech. It really put some serious wind in my sails and resolve in my brain. Thank you, Gary. There is not one more second to waste on supporting the use, abuse and slavery of animals. I get it. I'm getting it and I will keep getting it until I AM it. I watched some extremely disturbing, horrific footage of some of the abuse that regularly goes on at a dairy farm. I cried. Again. I am going to keep facing the truth until the truth becomes a part of me. There is not one second to waste looking away and I am so very regretful that I have spent most of my life looking away. For that I hate myself. I could have affected change along time ago and furthermore I could have affected change in my family had I seen the light. People have died because change was put off. I have seen people that meant the world to me die prematurely mostly because of lifestyle changes that were never made. It is time to stop the cycle of apathy, procrastination and downright laziness. It is time for all of us humans to evolve into the compassionate, peaceful beings God wants us to be. It is almost 8 p.m. on a Wednesday in early March. Instead of letting this day go by like another nondescript page in the wind I want to really shed my meat, fish, dairy and egg eating skin. I am changing right here right now. No MORE slip-ups. NO More justifications. NO more but just this little bit of dairy or cheese or pizza or fish or cream in my coffee. NO. NO MORE!! NOT AGAIN. I hereby ask God to give me the extra strength I will need when my resolve might falter. Thank you God. Amen.

15th Entry

OK I am back and I am going to try and write daily even if it is brief. BUT I am not gonna stress if I miss a day here and there either. :-) Gotta keep peace in my mind if I can. Well, since I have last written I haven't had any flesh from farm animals. I gave in and  had a little bit of fish since I made my commitment to  go high raw vegan so I definitely need to take it somewhat slower than I would like.  That is pretty darn good for me since I have had to prepare meat for my boyfriend's suppers and smell it. It smelled good but I just didn't want it. I hope my mind stays in that frame forever. Transitioning off of meat and cooked food all at once is not really a good idea for me to do overnight. I have been eating SAD (standard American diet) for 45 plus years so I feel I should wean myself off of cooked food specifically. I have made an agreement with myself that if I want to have a seafood from time to time than I can but to  try and only have it if it is really high quality wild caught. None of this farm raised frankenfish garbage.  I LOVE seafood more than any other kind of food so it will be hard to give that up entirely for awhile. But I WANT to get to a point where I am a comfortable, natural, high or all raw vegan. Preferably ALL RAW. I think I could take the plunge better if I wasn't afraid of too many detox symptoms. So I have made my mind up to control the detox as best I can because I don't want to flood my bloodstream with an overload of toxins all at once. Slow and steady should win the race.
As of this afternoon I was on a pretty good roll of all raw until Ed brought home the fish sandwich and fries and ice coffee. SO I need to spend the rest of today with high water and only raw food. Exercise would be a really good idea BUT now my energy level ( that was excellent earlier today) is now crapped out. I feel bloated, tired, and practically ready for a nap. Not to mention very thirsty.  Earlier while eating only raw fruit, and raw coconut I felt really good and started getting things done around my house. Now I need to finish vacuuming and I just don't feel like it. It is a no wonder that people eating SAD are relying on 5 hour energy drinks, coffee, tea, sugar and other substances just to get through the day. I am surprised we aren't all demanding nap times at work to get through the exhaustion that hits most people by mid-afternoon. Is it any wonder that people are crazy, depressed, scatter brained, bi-polar, hostile and angry. Is it any wonder that people spend so much time and money trying to self medicate just to feel better. When all the while if they just started eating a clean non-violent diet then maybe they would see the light and the world would be a better place.
I just got up out of my chair to give my dog her blanket that she likes and I noticed how stiff my joints feel-again. Funny they didn't feel that bad earlier today. Could it be that my whole body is reacting in a inflammatory way to the ingredients in the fast food shit I just put into my precious body. I think so! I really do. My body is overloaded and can't whizz through a load of chemically laden fake food-it gets bogged down with the burden. It so wants to be healthy, I so want to be healthy. I just want to eat to live. I want more life in my years and more years to my life. I don't want to be a spectator in life anymore. I want the faded snug sexy jeans, and the white eyelet summer sexy top, and the tanned healthy glow, and the cute pedicure, and the cute hair cut and the athletic body that when anyone sees me they know immediately that I work out ALOT and take excellent care of myself. It is my turn to turn heads. :-)

DAY 14-I'm Done.

Finally, I am back to my blog after a 3 day migraine and some other matters that came up. I am back to set a few words down. I have been reading, reading and re-reading everything I can on a raw food diet (raw vegan)  and fruitarianism. I first became intrigued about 2 years ago and dabbled here and there. Every time I ate in line with those philosophies I felt ALIVE, LIGHT, CLEAR and FREE. What's the holdup then? Well, my boyfriend would never go for it so.......blah blah blah.
Well, I am done!
I started off today on the right foot with fruit for breakfast then later on  I figured well it's a cold rainy day and it would be a good day to get rid of that bacon in the fridge. I promised myself I wouldn't buy any more and proceeded to make a big lunch for Ed and me.
We ate bacon, eggs, toast and homefries and I really, really, really wish I hadn't. I will admit it tasted excellent. But that is where the pleasure ended. I now have to digest this sodium laden, greasy, some animal's suffering so I could eat it crap. I am so done.
 I can feel it in my heart of hearts. In my spirit. In my soul. It took me long enough to put my foot down firmly.... but it is now down. I mean it.
 I was just looking at some photographs online of a factory pig farm. The pigs were crammed together. It is just not right. The time has come for me to be the change and put my thinking into actions.  I am sick of being part of the problem. How can I in good conscience continue to subsidize the killing of animals? How can we as humans keep swallowing forkfuls of suffering, agony, pain and abuse? Not to mention pollution beyond pollution?
 I know better damn it!!!!! and today marks the beginning of a new way of life for me. I am going high raw vegan as of this very minute.
I will sign off with this quote I found that really moves me:

“But for the sake of some little mouthful of flesh, we deprive a soul of the sun and the light, and of that proportion of life and time, it had been born into the world to enjoy.”


-Plutarch

DAY 12- Melting Snow

The snow is finally starting to melt and spring is peaking around the corner. A nice slow melt would be ideal as we have so much snow cover still on the ground. I was out in the back yard picking up dog poop today and noticed the snow was still up to my knees in most areas of the yard.
I can't wait for the sidewalks to be clear enough to actually walk on and then I can resume my walking schedule of daily long walks.
Well, today I felt pretty good overall but I must do something about the bluish tint I get at the base of my nails when my hands get cold. I definitely have some sort of circulation problem going on in my hands. My hands get cold easily and take a long time to warm up again. So something is not right. Maybe my blood is thick. Maybe I have damaged the little blood vessels in my hands over the years from the bad habit of sleeping with my hands under my head.
I should have spent more time outside today to get some natural vitamin D from the sun but I didn't. I planned on it but just didn't make it happen. Perhaps in a couple of days when the temps come up again I can take the opportunity to sit outside in just a t-shirt. Exposing my arms and neck and face is better than nothing.
I went shopping today and bought mostly fresh fruits and vegetables to jump start my transition to 80 % raw. I can't wait because I know I will feel so good......so why have  I been putting it off? I think the cold winter has something to do with it. The primitive need to eat warm and hearty foods instead of cold raw plant foods.
This is going to be my year! I just know it. So many dietary and lifestyle changes that I have been putting off or half-heartedly attempting are going to become a way of life. I mean it this time with all my heart and soul. I have to. My body is starting to break in places and I have to repair it or die trying.
On a different note the one item I am getting rid of today is an old Sony radio that I bought at a thrift store last summer. It doesn't receive AM stations only FM so off to charity it goes. Somebody could use it in a garage or cellar.
That's it for today. 

DAY 11-Did Better

Today was an improvement over yesterday in two ways. First off even though I ate leftover Chinese food for breakfast today, I only ate a small amount so my energy stayed up. I  also accomplished some cleaning tasks that I had been putting off and took two good walks with my dogs.
In the photo is another item that I am eliminating from my pile of stuff. That's it for today as I am still feeling a good level of energy so I am gonna use it.

 Brand New Photo Paper for Charity Box

DAY 10- Could do better.

Today is Saturday and even though I have been out of the work week grind for a few years it still feels like a day for fun. Well, I didn't have much fun today but I did manage to do quite a bit of reading and rereading some of my favorite blogs on simplifying and reducing clutter. This is good. It gets me motivated again as I had kind of lost my zeal for minimalism this past year or so. It doesn't help when you have some deaths in the family and then are faced with what to do with all the leftover possessions. In the span of about 3 years  I lost 3 of the closest people to me: my Dad, my Grandma and my Mom. I have had to come face to face with all that's left of their lives when they left this world. It all comes down to stuff. Sorting through the stuff left behind can be very difficult emotionally but also quite the learning experience. You learn so much about the deceased and one can't help but think of their own demise and what stuff they will leave behind. If you start planning for your stuff after your death could that be bad luck? I don't know but I am somewhat superstitious so the thought has crossed my mind a time or two. I often thought I should pre-order my headstone so it will be exactly as I want it to be and not someone else's best guess. Hmmm. I will think more on that at a later time like say in another few decades or so.
So continuing on with the mission to lighten my load I was able to discard two cracked cups (not fit for charity) and one pair of old binoculars that are still usable so they will go to charity. I have two pairs of binoculars that are quite similar so I am keeping the best pair and parting with the pair in the photo. I feel a pair of binoculars is a good thing to keep as I enjoy trying to identify different birds that stop by my yard from time to time.

Binoculars for charity box.

As for my quest for better health, I could have done better today. All I had from my "Do EAT" list is one tangerine. I had plenty from the "DON'T EAT" list. Such as Lay's Lightly Salted potato chips (an ample amount), an Angus burger from MacDonalds, a Macdonald's french fry, a medium regular Coke, about 10 pretzel rods, 2 or 3 vodka cocktails (made with regular  Pepsi) oh and let's not forget about 8 oz. of iced coffee. I could do better. I will do better. I must do better. For exercise, all I did was take 2 short walks with my dogs. I could do better.

DAY 9 and some new ideas...

For the ninth entry of my blog I thought I might incorporate another project I have been working on as of late. My other project is gradually reducing the number of possessions I have. Or as my grandmother used to say "It is time to lighten the load." I pared down considerably in 1999, then again in 2009 now I feel I want to get even leaner. I want to give the minimalist lifestyle real effort. I have always been drawn to a style of home that was more Japanese than American. Or perhaps the American version would be Shaker style. I love sparse interiors. I get a real sense of peace from the way sunlight plays on bare floors and empty spaces. So with each entry I will post a photo of one item that I am eliminating from my life for good.  The item will be  sent  off to another place where it will be of more use or just loved more.  I abhor the very notion of "throw it away." I make every effort to pass things on to someone else instead of the landfill. So for today my one item is a little plastic photo album that was my mother's. There were only a half dozen or so photos in it and the photos are now in my "To Be Scanned" pile. My mother passed away a couple of months ago and this little album was in some of her things. I will send the album off to charity as most of my photos are kept in digital form now. That's one item down for today.  I will look around to see what else I can part with as my quest for the lighter load continues. How about you? Is there something in your home that you could start a "Charity Box" with?

DAY 8..well you get the picture...

OK so here is my 8th entry to my new blog. Eventually I will just give the entries numbers and perhaps a title. I like the whole numbered entry idea, kind of keeps things in a chronological order of sorts so that's what I'll do. My boyfriend is sleeping-again. This is what he does on and off all day long. I know he is depressed and lethargic from being totally out of shape. He is also depressed because he has been out of work for about 2 1/2 years. His unemployment ran out a few months ago and he is just scraping by on his savings. In that sense we are both in the same boat. I also am in need of a full time job like yesterday.  He was laid off from his job as a truck driver and was never called back. It's too bad because it was an ideal job for him. He had a local route and was home every night, he told me the correct term is a peddle driver. He has gained a substantial amount of weight and is in no shape to pass a physical for work. I know one thing, seeing him give up on himself is starting to be the straw that is going to break this camel's back. It is bad enough we haven't done anything fun in so many years-I can't remember the last time we enjoyed ourselves together. He never wants to do anything except watch sports and t.v. in general. Frankly, I am fed up and rather sickened at myself for wasting  too many years with someone who is basically nothing more than a couch potato.  Let me say this though he is a nice guy, he likes animals (that's important), he listens when I talk (a rarity in men), he is generous and always pays his fair share towards the  bills, when we had a sex life it was great  and most importantly he really does love me.
Here's what aggravates me: he never does one speck of housework. He has one chore and that is to put the trash out to the curb once a week. He just doesn't do it and I end up doing it. If I remind him he moans and bitches. He has been living with me for more than 10 years and trash night has ALWAYS been Tuesday night. When I remind him that it's trash night he acts like it is news to him and then whines about it. This really gets on my nerves.

This is what gives me stress: He is the most negative, complaining, grouchy person I have ever known. He has always been negative but as the years go by he is getting worse and worse. It is a real downer.

This is what turns me off: He is not as sanitary as I would like. He doesn't shower as much as he should (he takes about one shower a week) and often skips washing his hands after using the bathroom. This makes me sick. I go around with a bottle of bleach water and wipe down things after he handles them when I think he was too lazy to wash his hands. I sound like a detective but it doesn't take much figuring to notice that the  bathroom sink is bone dry after someone just used the toilet. I am sorry but that just doesn't sit well with me.

The more I write out my feelings the more I am realizing I live with a lazy pig who doesn't care one iota that I do 99 % of the  work that needs to be done around here.
He just asked me the infamous question "what are we eating tonite?" that's code words for "I'd like some supper". Off I go to make it.

DAY 7 OF NEW BLOG

Today is the 7th entry of my new blog.  It's about 3:30 pm and I feel like crap so thought I would write about it. I ate nothing all day until about 15 minutes ago. Now, I feel lousy. Once again from eating lousy food. First mistake I made was not eating at all until the afternoon so I probably let my blood sugar get way too low. I felt great even if my blood sugar was dropping I didn't have any symptoms. I wasn't even hungry actually.
About a half hour ago my boyfriend went out and when he came home he brought me in a chicken sandwich (Wendy's) , fries (Macdonald's) and an iced coffee (Dunkin's). I hadn't had any coffee all day so I sucked down a few big swigs of coffee very happy to have it. I then ate the sandwich and fries-Oh! I forgot to mention the Wendy's nuggets I ate too. Before I took my last bite I started feeling my heart start to race a bit and wondered what chemicals might be in the garbage I just shoved into my precious body. What the hell is the matter with me? Why can't I say no to this kind of fake food for good? I don't want to be rude when he brings food home for me and decline it but I really can't do this anymore. Not only does my heart feel racy but I also feel like I can fall asleep right here in this chair. I have had the wind knocked completely out of my sails. My energy level has plummeted, my mood is anxious and my brain feels suddenly foggy and out of it. I feel like going to bed. How's that for "you are what you eat?" Well, I must not put flavor enhanced garbage into my temple again.
Now instead of walking my dogs I want to lay down. My plans for the afternoon have been put on the back burner until I digest this load of chemical laden junk food. That meal stole my life force.
What to do now? Start drinking water and start moving as soon as I can. Then get back on track.

DAY 6 OF NEW BLOG

There were a few more physical symptoms I forgot to mention in my last post that I will briefly add to the list now:
My tongue is not normal. It is kind of discolored I think. It has a reddish stripe down the middle of it all the way to the tip. It also burns sometimes depending on toothpaste or mouthwash or foods I eat. 
My eyesight seems to be getting worse. Far and near the details are blurry. Tiny print is impossible without reading glasses and night driving seems very reflective with on coming headlights. 
Also, I would like to include my achy, crunchy, popping joints. 
OK I think that about does it for my laundry list of complaints. Now onto the next matter.
I have been eating a few too many of these certain potato chips today. They are delicious AND addicting. So I thought I would take a closer look at exactly what is in them. Maybe by dissecting the ingredients I would easily leave them at the store next time I see them on sale and get a craving. 
The chips are Utz brand Honey BBQ potato chips. 
The ingredients are as follows:
Potatoes-these are most likely grown conventionally with all the chemical fertilizers and pesticides needed to yield a huge crop and possibly a GMO potato too. YUCK!
Cottonseed Oil-cottonseed oil may contain natural toxins and probably has unacceptably high levels of pesticide residues (cotton is not classified as a food crop, and farmers use many agrichemicals when growing it). Be on the lookout for cottonseed oil in packaged foods and avoid products that contain it. Manufacturers like it because it's cheap, and products that say "may contain one or more of these oils" and list cottonseed, will almost certainly contain it.
Sugar- Well we know sugar is just about the worst stuff for you. Next. 
Salt- Ditto. But you do need small amounts of it. 
Dextrose-Sugar, again. This time from corn-probably GMO corn. YUCK. 
Torula Yeast-Torula, in its inactive form (usually labeled as torula yeast), is widely used as a flavouring in processed foods and pet foods. It is produced from wood sugars, as a byproduct of paper production. It is pasteurized and spray-dried to produce a fine, light grayish-brown powder with a slightly yeasty odor and gentle, slightly meaty taste.
Dehydrated Onion-Easy enough to understand that one.
Spices-Who knows???
Tomato Powder-Dried tomatoes??
Molasses Powder- which is made of Molasses and Maltodextrin ( Maltodextrin is a polysaccharide that is used as a food additive. It is produced from starch by partial hydrolysis and is usually found as a creamy-white hygroscopic spraydried powder. Maltodextrin is easily digestible, being absorbed as rapidly as glucose, and might be either moderately sweet or almost flavorless. It is commonly used for the production of natural sodas and candy.)
Brown Sugar-More Sugar!!!
Honey Powder-More Sugar!!!
Extractives of Paprika-huh? 
Fructose-More Sugar!!!
Garlic Powder-ok
Citric Acid- ok I guess.
Natural Flavors-That's a catch all bunch of B.S. could actually contain MSG. 
This is the last bag of these chips that I will ever own, buy, eat or have to detox from my body. Goodbye UTZ Honey BBQ

:-)

DAY 5 OF NEW BLOG

Today is Sunday and it is still morning. My favorite time of my favorite day of the week. It is bitterly cold outside today (single digits) but sunny. I want to take today to take stock in some of the nagging physical and mental symptoms that have been creeping up on me the past few years. Since my Dad died basically. He died in late 2007. Since he died I lost my Grandmother and my mother. 3 people in about 3 years. That will put some stress on the body. So I am not totally surprised that my aging process sped up a bit since 2007. Here's what's bugging me.

Number 1-Headaches. Migraines specifically. I get them at least once a month (menstrual) and they last a good 3 days. Most months see a couple of headaches and sometimes they last only one day. When I get the menstrual ones I am really down. Instant depression, intolerance to light, smells, noise and confusion. I self medicate with 3 ibuprofens about every 4 hours. That is too much ibuprofen, I know. This regiment only takes the edge off the pain with short periods throughout the day of real relief. I almost always get the headache on the left side, but sometimes the right instead. I want to be rid of these damn headaches for once and for all. They really will interfere with work and many days I barely made it through the day because I felt so sick from my migraines. So-I want those gone. I have suffered for about 10 years with them. Enough already!

Number 2- is my lack of wind power. I seem to get easily winded like never before. I suspect my heart may be really out of shape not too mention I have been experiencing a bluish tint to the base of my fingernails when my hands get cold. This could be a serious issue with my heart  and I am going to try and fix it ASAP with diet, exercise and weight loss. My body is warning me and I need to listen.

Number 3- is the arthritis (osteo) that is invading my finger joints. It started in my right pinkie finger, then my right index and now I can see it changing the shape of my middle finger on left hand. I believe this is caused by too much sugar in my diet and it has got to stop.

Number 4- on the list is my weight. I am too fat and I want to get back to my old athletic build and athletic lifestyle. I have been carrying around at least an extra 75 lbs for way too long (years) on top of that I have been really sedentary for the past 6 months. Not good. I want to have the nice ass in a pair of jeans for a change. I want to pretty clothes. I want to be taken seriously, I want to show off my personal style. I want to bend, jump, run and stretch freely. I want to look like an athlete, move like one and live like one.

Number 5- is my digestion. My stomach sometimes feels bloated and often times I can here strange gurgling sounds coming from different areas of my abdomen as my body digests its food. I never had this problem before and I want it to stop. I want excellent, clean and efficient digestive health from my mouth all the way down.

Number 6- is my brain and mood. I want a healthy, clear thinking, information retaining, good decision making brain. I have allowed my brain to get lazy. I am done with that starting today.

Number 7-is my skin, hair and nails. They could all stand improvement in health and appearance. I need to eat better and exercise to see the changes there.

Number 8- Is last but not least by any stretch. In fact number 8 is probably the most important issue.  I need to pray more and develop my relationship with God so that he is a big part of my life and not a little part. Really keep an attitude of gratitude every single day. Not waste any time on negativity, nastiness or mean spirited intentions.

DAY 4 OF NEW BLOG

OK here we are on day 4. I want to record a few observations about how I feel today. When I got up I had coffee-Maxwell House-and felt good. I then (about an hour later) had an orange and still felt good. Not too long after that I had a tangerine. At noontime or so I got into the Lays Lightly salted and had a few handfuls of those. Still I felt good. I didn't eat again until 4 and when I did I had a salad from Wendy's, one of those ones with the apples, spring mix, blue cheese, chicken, craisins, candied pecans, and pomegranate vinaigrette dressing. It was delicious as it usually is. I also had a small Macdonald's fry. A few sips of Pepsi to wash it down. Not too long after I polished all that off I started feeling nauseated with a migraine starting on my right side of my head. I felt a little shaky too. So I don't know why I feel kind of sick but it could be a host of things. I waited too long to eat a substantial meal or perhaps my hormones are kicking in as I am due for my period in a few days. Every once in a while I get a "sick headache" just a dull migraine type headache with a general feeling of nausea to go with it. I never actually know why but with all the crap in our food and environment it could be any number of things. Before anyone complains that this blog sounds like that of a hypochondriac I must point out that what I am doing here is chronicling first how I feel lousy and then hopefully how I stopped feeling lousy and started feeling better.
I also should add, even though I did feel crappy and still do, after eating the salad and fries I went on to eat (about 1 hour later) a crispy chicken sandwich that was bought for me and I didn't want it to go to waste. So now that I see it all in print it disgusts me big time. I am now going to dump out the remainder of my Pepsi and start drinking filtered water to help get some salt out of my system.

DAY 3 OF NEW BLOG

Ok here I am on my third entry on my new blog. Today is Friday and it has snowed most of the day. I feel pretty good today considering yesterday and the day before I succumbed to some kind of cold. At least I thought it was a cold. I felt so lousy I didn't feel like writing about it. I am now wondering if perhaps I was having a mysterious allergic reaction to something. Because when I get a cold it usually lasts for a week or more. So anyway I feel back to normal now and quite energetic to boot. My sister may be coming from out of state for a visit this weekend which gives me really good incentive to get this house in order and get it really clean. She is quite put off by any doggie odor and since I have 2 dogs I am always worried that she may smell dogs when she comes in the house. I also let the dogs up on the furniture so that can create a doggie odor if one is not careful. Today I stayed in most of the day because of the weather but may take a short walk later. When I say short I mean a total of about 1 hour. We'll see how icy the streets get as the temps are dropping hard and fast tonite.

DAY 2 OF NEW BLOG

Ok I am determined to get the hang of this whole blogging thing. I tried to sign up for a blog on Wordpress but gave it up-I guess I will stick with this blog for now. I am writing this blog as an online diary to help me track my progress or failures on my journey to feel better. Here's the deal: I feel old. Older than I should at a mere 46 years of age. I weigh too much. I way about 220 lbs. That is an estimate because I haven't got on the scale in a few months. So perhaps I way as much as 225. I am about just about 5 feet 6 inches tall. I am definitely big boned but 225 is too much. I say I am big boned because I wear a woman's size 11 shoe. I wear a size 8 ring and can rarely find a watch that fits my wrist. I have been overweight for the last 20 years or so. Each year would see another few pounds added to the total. I am not a yo-yo dieter so this has been a steady increase in weight since I was at my lightest weight of about 150 or so. I am what they call an apple shape. Most of my fat has been disgustingly deposited on my torso. I have big boobs and a fat stomach. I used to be a beautiful hourglass but now I am shaped more like a ball. My legs are not fat compared to the rest of me, I guess you could say I have become rather top heavy. My legs are muscular-probably a little too muscular for a woman-but nonetheless I like my legs quite a bit.
I have been developing nagging health symptoms that are telling me all is not well inside of me. I don't trust the medical establishment very much so I stay as far away from doctor's as I possibly can. I would like to enlist my own body's ability to heal and rejuvenate-but I haven't been making the lifestyle changes I most certainly should be making right now! Time is of the essence. I need to go back to work -assuming I can find a job-real soon and need the physical health to put in an 8 plus hour day. I have got to get my ass in gear or else. Stay tuned.

I want to feel better or die trying. My New Blog.

Ok folks, here it is. My new blog. I am writing this for myself mostly but if it helps anyone else in the process that will be great. Today is the first day of my blog and what I will start out saying is that it is time for me to do whatever it takes to improve my health. What follows on this blog will be my journey. Stay tuned.