#27

It's Monday night and I have been in one hell of a funk all day long. More like depression. I don't know why exactly well it could be alot of things  but I know one thing that is not helping and his name is Ed. He is watching hockey and every time a player doesn't play right he yells, and I mean yells at the t.v. and it is getting on my nerves. In fact HE is getting on my nerves big time. I am so way beyond sick and tired of his lazy ass lifestyle. I know, I know my life is what I make it....blah, blah, blah and "you picked him" blah, blah, blah. Today I wish I could be anywhere but here. A cabin in the woods or a shack on the beach or a hut in the desert or better yet a gorgeous hotel room in some place tropical. Just me and my dogs.  I feel the need to break out of this rut real freakin' soon or something is gonna give. He is talking non-stop to the t.v. to every thing that annoys him. He swears and insults the show's host and mostly in a really nasty way. Currently he is swearing at Shirley Maclaine. Give me a break! -he just dropped the c-bomb. I don't know if he is losing it and I really don't care at this point. With both of us having been out of work for so long I have gotten a real taste of what he prefers to do if given a chance. Guess what? it is three things:
watch tv, eat, sleep and then start all over again. I can't believe I got myself into this mess. By mess I mean living so long with a man-boy who won't even put the trash out on trash night. It has been said that you don't get what you want you get what you need. That may have been true at one time but my needs sure are changing and this lifestyle ain't gonna cut it. I am sorry I don't owe him or anyone else my one life on this earth. Even though he thinks I owe it to him and the reason he thinks I owe it to him is just because HE wants it that way. My feelings are just....well, not as important. I guess.
As for my vegan quest I fell off the wagon tonight (with cheese mostly) and I am just trying so hard to self medicate myself out of this really bad mood that I ate too much and I ate what I shouldn't have eaten.  The good thing is I am staying away from the farm animal flesh without much difficulty at all. That part was easy. Seafood, not so much but I will get there eventually... the point is to not give up and keep my eye on the prize. I have no cravings for eggs anymore which is really good because I have always had a major love affair with all things egg-y. I mean when this girl ate eggs she ate eggs! I would think nothing of scrambling 6 of them up just for me or boiling up 4 or 5 just for me.... or frying up 3 with the yolks all nice and runny and dipping my buttery toast in all that golden goodness. It helps that I don't bring them into the house anymore.  There may come a day when I have the right set up for a few chickens of my own and I will again enjoy eggs but my hens will never end up on a dinner plate once they stop laying. They will just be retired little old lady hens allowed to live out their years scratching around my garden to their heart's content. Then again to be truly vegan one doesn't even own hens much less eat their eggs.
 Food for thought.