Number 30

Well, it's been awhile and it's about time I entered a little something here. I have been wrestling with labels recently...diet labels specifically. As I have been researching the ideal way in which humans should be eating for maximum health and preservation of the planet I have encountered more labels than I can keep track of. So far I haven't found a definitive prescription for the average human. The jury goes out and in and back out again. The science is all over the place depending on which claim it's used to support so I am still left confused about the whole thing. As much as I have been striving to slot myself into the vegan category I feel that to be a vegan is so all or nothing that you are bound to feel horrible if you "slip up" now and then. So just now as I was eating a grapefruit at the kitchen sink and pondering the vegan philosophy I came up with my own definition of how I want to feed my body. I call it the 4C approach. I think this works best for me so that I can lighten up a bit and not feel so tied tightly to one specific diet philosophy. The 4C's stand for eating with this mindset:
Compassionately-
which entails eating with love for the animals and avoiding animal products as much as you can; we don't live in a perfect world and there are times when the odd crouton will have dairy in it -what are you gonna do stress out over it??
Conservatively-
which entails not eating more than you need (under eating is better ) and not wasting food
Conscientiously-
which entails eating with a sense of what is right and wrong for us and the planet
Cleanly-
which entails eating food as close to natural, fresh,  unprocessed and free of toxins as possible

So that's it. My new personal philosophy on how I am going to eat every meal, every day. Stay tuned because as new information gets absorbed by my brain I could very well fine tune my 4C approach and perhaps rename it too. 4C is a terrible name but it helps me remember the goals. In fact, the more I think about it I think one of the C's is redundant so perhaps I will drop it to the 3C diet. 3C rolls off the tongue better too. Well, that's it for now. Peace.

Number 29

Ok here's the deal: I cheated last night. I had set a personal record of  15 days without so much as a drop of cream in my coffee but  I had been craving meat so badly for the last few days that finally I gave in. Once again the craving satisfaction came in the form of chinese food. Now, that I have eaten the meat laden food I find that it is no big deal. I had made a huge deal of it by feeling deprived. The urge had gotten so out of hand by my feeling of deprivation and perhaps by some biological process in my body that was craving an animal version of protein. I don't know. What I do know is that in order to keep this from happening again I am going to have to better stock my pantry. I am going to have to plan meals better to stave off cravings. I had not been planning at all and the pantry had gotten rather bare so it is no wonder that I was starving for something rich and savory. The sad part is I had promised myself that I would go six months exactly from May 1st to Nov 1st  as a strict vegan and celebrate National Vegan Day on the first of November. Well, I kind of blew  a perfect six month record but I am still going to pursue the goal. Maybe perfection is too much to ask for right yet. I am not going to beat myself up over it, what I will do is carry on and remember the real reason for the mission: the animals.

Number 28

I found this poem today and this expresses how I feel now and how I am feeling more and more each day.
We Hear Your Cries

by Brenda Shoss

We hear your cries
Inside lightless stockades where metal bars define your earth
Where your frantic eyes gaze over an amputated beak
Unable to dust bath or flutter one wing
An automated hum, the only sound in your artificial prison
We hear your cries
In the narrow crates that envelop you from endless pregnancy to nameless death
From your first and last walk down death's corridor
toward a blood splattered man who guides your quivering body
into the crushing blast of his stun gun
From the impersonal thrust of his knife through still-warm flesh
to the final moment when you are dismantled limb by limb
We hear your cries
As you rock in the corner of your concrete world
Waiting for them to blind, burn and inject poison into your exhausted body
We ache to shield you from the scalpels and skull probes you have yet to endure We hear your cries
When they blast 5,000 volts of electrified pain into your flesh
Every time they batter you with metal pipes, bullhooks, flank straps and spurs
to obliterate your memories of a mother's love and infinite green
We hear your cries
As you search for one familiar face in the desolate days before
a gas chamber claims your anonymous life
When you seek the comfort of one set of arms
Your last tail wagged
Your last purr heard in a gray room with no windows

WE HEAR YOUR CRIES AND WE ARE COMING.

#27

It's Monday night and I have been in one hell of a funk all day long. More like depression. I don't know why exactly well it could be alot of things  but I know one thing that is not helping and his name is Ed. He is watching hockey and every time a player doesn't play right he yells, and I mean yells at the t.v. and it is getting on my nerves. In fact HE is getting on my nerves big time. I am so way beyond sick and tired of his lazy ass lifestyle. I know, I know my life is what I make it....blah, blah, blah and "you picked him" blah, blah, blah. Today I wish I could be anywhere but here. A cabin in the woods or a shack on the beach or a hut in the desert or better yet a gorgeous hotel room in some place tropical. Just me and my dogs.  I feel the need to break out of this rut real freakin' soon or something is gonna give. He is talking non-stop to the t.v. to every thing that annoys him. He swears and insults the show's host and mostly in a really nasty way. Currently he is swearing at Shirley Maclaine. Give me a break! -he just dropped the c-bomb. I don't know if he is losing it and I really don't care at this point. With both of us having been out of work for so long I have gotten a real taste of what he prefers to do if given a chance. Guess what? it is three things:
watch tv, eat, sleep and then start all over again. I can't believe I got myself into this mess. By mess I mean living so long with a man-boy who won't even put the trash out on trash night. It has been said that you don't get what you want you get what you need. That may have been true at one time but my needs sure are changing and this lifestyle ain't gonna cut it. I am sorry I don't owe him or anyone else my one life on this earth. Even though he thinks I owe it to him and the reason he thinks I owe it to him is just because HE wants it that way. My feelings are just....well, not as important. I guess.
As for my vegan quest I fell off the wagon tonight (with cheese mostly) and I am just trying so hard to self medicate myself out of this really bad mood that I ate too much and I ate what I shouldn't have eaten.  The good thing is I am staying away from the farm animal flesh without much difficulty at all. That part was easy. Seafood, not so much but I will get there eventually... the point is to not give up and keep my eye on the prize. I have no cravings for eggs anymore which is really good because I have always had a major love affair with all things egg-y. I mean when this girl ate eggs she ate eggs! I would think nothing of scrambling 6 of them up just for me or boiling up 4 or 5 just for me.... or frying up 3 with the yolks all nice and runny and dipping my buttery toast in all that golden goodness. It helps that I don't bring them into the house anymore.  There may come a day when I have the right set up for a few chickens of my own and I will again enjoy eggs but my hens will never end up on a dinner plate once they stop laying. They will just be retired little old lady hens allowed to live out their years scratching around my garden to their heart's content. Then again to be truly vegan one doesn't even own hens much less eat their eggs.
 Food for thought.

#26

I am up at the crack of dawn...well it's a little after 5 am on a rainy, windy Sunday and dawn is not actually cracking since it is so cloudy. But I had to get up as my headache was just getting too hard to ignore. I woke up at about 4 and couldn't get back to sleep, tossing and turning with this migraine. I am obviously in need of some detoxing otherwise  I would not have developed this headache which I woke up with yesterday. Between the recent alcohol intake and the chinese food I overdid it. Time to cleanse. Time to cut the crap and get real.  I believe it takes a few days for the chemicals in chinese food to get fully eliminated from the body. Especially when someone such as myself has not even reached their detoxification goals yet. Today I will eat as clean as possible and drink copious amounts of water with fresh lemon. In fact I can't wait to make my next green smoothie but my bananas are just not ripe enough yet. I must get into the habit of scheduling my banana purchases better. One thing I can enjoy today is a big delicious salad with plenty of organic ice burg lettuce. YUM. :-) I will also try to make a raw dressing today. Gotta keep it high raw, high organic and ALL VEGAN. Yeah BABY! :-) The ibuprofen is starting to work it's magic and my headache is dulling down quite nicely. I don't like taking it but hey, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

#25

I am saddened deeply that I gave in.
 I gave in to the idea to try out a new Chinese restaurant. I ate my fill and some of it actually tasted delicious-at first. Now I wish I could regurgitate it or turn back the clock and be strong and say NO!
NO WAY! NOT ME!!! I don't eat that shit. It's shit afterall. Not too happy with myself but once again learned some more along this journey. What I was reminded of is the powerful food additives, chemicals and flavorings that hook you like a drug dealer giving you a free taste next thing you know you just want it. You know in your brain that you shouldn't but those few short moments of intense taste bud pleasure await and beckon with a force that is sometimes stronger than you. I am gradually gaining the strength I need to turn down those cravings with swift precision without letting the cravings overtake my real desires. My real honest to goodness, God knows it, heart of heart, soul of soul desire is to live today and everyday for the rest of my life as an ethical vegan. Please God give me strength to never give in again. I thank you.

#24

Today is Tuesday and I finally colored my hair after having put it off for the last week. I must say I really dislike the whole affair for many reasons. First off, the toxins in hair color are numerous. The one I used this time was from Loreal and I know for a fact that they have, and probably still do, test their products on animals. Right there I should boycott their products and I do except for the hair color. :-(
Also the toxins that get washed down the drain and end up in our waterways after I wash the chemical concoction out of my hair. I am on the brink of going au natural real soon... but if I am to land a job I can't be going in to the interview with alot of grays. So I just have to deal with it as they say.
As far as eating goes I still am not where I want to be (80/10/10) low fat raw vegan, but I am doing a pretty good job avoiding animal products, more than that I am educating myself as much as I can on living in a truly peaceful, non-violent way. I had to prepare supper for Edward tonight and I used some ground up organic turkey in his dinner-it won't be long before that's going to start being a problem. I mean the cooking of meat. I really don't want it in the house. Maybe I can wean him off the majority of meat meals. I will try that is for sure. :-)

I took a good long walk tonite even though I have "Harriet" and am finally able to really embrace exercising again. It feels so right, finally, to be able to work on me. I am keeping my eye on the prize.
Peace.